Joe Bloggs

Eternal city

Not much time on the 'puter during the holiday season - probably the best present I could have given myself - and a longer hiatus is in the offing as Mrs Bloggs and I make a quick jaunt to the eternal city. Photos and words on our return.

Merry Christmas

I hope you all have a great Christmas.

Return of the King

Make a movie almost entirely by computer and you'll probably have me as a fan. Great scenery, greater battle scenes and, altogether more fun than could have been expected from a 9-hour epic.

Another definition

If mikan (commonly known as clementines or satsuma in the UK, though mikan have softer skin and flesh) are the defining food of the Japanese New Year for me, then mince pies and nuts define Christmas for me here. After reading this article on Brazil nuts, I looked at the nut bowl and indeed noticed that particular nut was missing. The Brazil nut is harvested in the wild and so far all attempts to grow the trees in plantations have failed. It seems the nut has been harvested too much and the future of tree it grows on is under threat. I think most people would happily do without the Brazil nut for a few years, or as many as it takes, if it helps saves the species - not least because it's a tough one to crack open at the best of times.

At least one of my occasional readers has a reason to remember Charley's Aunt who, of course, was "from Brazil-where the nuts come from".

Blogger of the Year

"Archly transgressive, anonymous hooker is definitely manipulating the blog medium, word by word, sentence by sentence far more effectively than any of her competitors. It's not merely the titillating striptease aspects that are working for her, but her willingness to use this new form of vanity publishing to throw open a great big global window on activities previously considered unmentionable ... She is in a league by herself as a blogger."

The Guardian has chosen its Weblog of the Year, and I have to say it has chosen well. Some may be offended, but the diary of a hooker is, as I've written in a comment further down, compelling and compulsive reading.

Thanks to Martin for bringing this one to my attention.

Golden brown

I see the snow has melted on the Temple of the Golden Pavilion.

Traffic and weather

You know you're back in London when half the tubes lines are out of order. When that fact is just a piece of traffic news spoken by a fresh-faced, smiling reporter in the most matter-of-fact voice. You seriously wonder if you're in the same city when the weather is bordering on sunny and warm ... well 'warm' might be stretching it a bit, but I can certainly see patches of blue sky. You wanted a weather report. Right?

Airport home

The last time the Bloggs headed home for Christmas, we ended up on TV with the youngest playing the starring role on the BBC TV series Airport. Let's hope we have none of those shenanigans today! See you in London.

It already is Mr. Blatter

Sepp Blatter, FIFA President: "If we're not careful, football may degenerate into a game of greed - a trend I will vigorously oppose."

I try and not to blog sport, but this one really tickled me. May? ROTFLMAO!

Staying on message spells trouble

I watched a little of the interview Bush gave to ABC Television and felt more than a little discomfort at what I saw rather than what I heard. Upto now, whenever I've seen him speak I've always found myself getting embarassed for him at his inarticulate attempts at explaining himself. He was much the same today and at one point the older Blogg boy asked if GWB was getting flustered. The fact is he is inarticulate. He does get flustered, because public speaking is obviously not part of his natural makeup. Both of these give him the air of being unintelligent. What has become very apparent, and brought home (to me anyway) via this interview, is none of that matters. The majority of the American public doesn't care how the President comes across. They like the fact that he 'stays on message'. The message of freedom, security, God, justice. It doesn't matter if the message appears totally false and screwed to the rest of the world, they think he can bring them those things. His approval ratings show they are likely to vote him in again. We live in the era of the soundbite. Bush's handlers bite and he emits the sounds. Houston, we may have a problem!

Ding fries are done

I work at burger king making flame broiled whoppers
I wear paper hats
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?

Ding fries are done

I gotta run

Don't bob for fries in hot vat it really hurts bad and so do skin grafts
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?

Where is the bell?
Wait for the bell
Can't hear the bell
Where is the bell?

The capture - 2

Possibly the biggest news story of the year and the Japanese printed press were unable to take advantage of what would certainly have been increased sales. Why? Every month, one day is designated a newspaper holiday. Yup, yesterday was it. No morning paper for the world's biggest newspaper industry. In the past I've been told this was to give the delivery boys a holiday. If that is true, as an ex-paperboy, I have to say it warms the cockles.

Shadow dancing

Did you ever (do you now) flinch when someone stepped on your shadow? If so, it could be because you think of your shadow as a part of yourself? No, this is not some witch doctor theory, but the latest research from the UK and Italy. This research suggests "our brains instinctively view our shadows as an extension of our bodies", and "implies that the brain uses visual clues from not only our appendages, but also their shadows, to map the body in space and to interact with the world". Makes sense. I can't think of anything I more attached to.

The capture

I'm sure I'm not the only one who saw the pathetic irony of Iraq's ex-MainMan being caught with 750,000 U.S. dollars. How demoralising must it have been to be carrying around the currency of the country you were supposedly at war with?

As for the aftermath, I can only copy and paste what another reader sent by email:

Pigs might fly, but I hope he gets treated with dignity and gets a fair trial (full of how we supplied him with his weapons). If we don't stand for that what do we stand for?

The Big Read

The UK's most popular novel is, surprise, surprise, 'Lord of the Rings'. At least that's what an extensive BBC survey has revealed. One can't help but think that Tolkien has Peter Jackson to thank for his elevated status. Nevertheless, it is good to see Jane Austen in 2nd place, even if that is also a TV dramatisation influenced result. Over at the Guardian, they tell us that Don Quixote, "the first modern novel - remains the finest". Having spent a year and a half reading War and Peace exclusively on the bullet train, maybe it is time to turn my thoughts to Spain!

Let me get back to you on that

Alert screens. What would we do without them?

Thanks to DJ for this one.

Tiger in a Tropical Storm

It is good to see more and more art galleries put their entire collection on-line. The major institutions have far too many works of art to ever hope to see in a single go, and it is a good idea to check out their websites and limit yourself to just a handful of paintings on a given visit. Two of my favourites at The National Gallery in London are the absolutely wonderful 'Surprised' by Henri Rousseau, and Joseph Turner's The Fighting Temeraire. Though if you limit yourself to those two, you'll be running around the building because they are at opposite ends of the labyrinth. What's your favourite painting at the National?

Ferrari vs. Fighter Jet

They're both pretty powerful pieces of machinery. The Ferrari can reach a top speed of 369km/h (which, by the way, is faster than a speeding bullet train), while the jet can hit 2,448km/h when in the air. But if the jet has to stay on the ground, that evens things up a little. So who'll win over 600m, 900m and 1,200m? Well the red devil won the shorter race, but the jet won the longer two. Not sure what it was all about, but it must have been fun to watch.

Later (from a PR Newswire press release): The race was organised 'by the Italian Ministry of Defence to celebrate 100 years of manned flight and to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the death of the famous Italian racing driver, Nuvolari'.

Naughty night to swim in

The weather is turning cold here and as the days get shorter I am actually glad of the rain we are getting. The reasons are plenty. First of all, I'm a recent to convert to skiing. Unfortunately, the lame ankle precludes any hope of hitting the slopes soon, but the rain should translate as snow up in 'them thar hills', and goodness knows they need it. Then of course it is these dark and dank nights that I seem to remember best from college days. December in northern England. It really doesn't get much darker or danker. Loved it (in hindsight of course). Finally, there's the good old Joe Bloggs fall back - when you've got nothing to write about ... quote Shakespeare. So here's my favourite wet weather quote from the Bard. Act III Scene IV: The Fool is desperately trying to get his raging (and by now raving) master Lear into some shelter.

Prithee, nuncle, be contented;
’tis a naughty night to swim in.
Now a little fire in a wide field were like an old lecher’s heart;
a small spark, all the rest on’s body cold.

Don't move

I see that Britain has got its first toll motorway. We've had them here in Japan since forever I think. Do they really reduce congestion? Here's what the UK Transport Secretary has to say, "At £2 a car, I think many drivers may decide that, for the journey time, it [using the road] would be something worth doing - I certainly would". Now, if that isn't laughable Bloggs is my real name. How long exactly will it be before this short stretch of road gets as congested as the road it runs parallel to? The only way to reduce congestion on roads is to give people a good alternative to cars. Get the buses and trains functioning properly. Japan's roads can be hellish but they would be so much worse if public transport didn't run as smoothly as it does. China, on the other hand, feels it's time to shun the bicycle. Lordy loo, heaven show us mercy!

Everyone's a winner

The youngest Blogg received this in his email today.

WINNING NOTICE FOR CATEGORY "C" WINNER INTERNATIONAL
LOTTO NETHERLAND IL/FLW/12-C572392379:
It is our pleasure to inform you that you have emerged as a Category "C" winner of the International Lotto Netherland. CONGRATULATIONS! You are entitled to a prize sum of 1,500,000.00 Euros. Reference number for your prize is IL/FLW/12-C572392379 , ticket number A/03-4912. As a category "C" winner, you have been selected from a total number of 25,000 names drawn from Asia, Africa, Europe, Middle East and America.

A simple search on Google revealed that this particular scam has been going since at least November 2002. What was unusual about the email in Junior's box was that after a lot more 'blah blah blah', they gave away the ruse with this line:

Please be informed that NON RESIDENCE of THE NETHERLANDS will be required to make a NON DEDUCTABLE advance payment of processment and legal documentation charges of 2.200.00 Euros to enable our legal department acquire Naturalization papers from the Court prior to award payment policy as required by the paying Financial Securiry Company.

As I've said many times before, anyone stupid enough to believe a 'Securiry' company email promising unearned riches deserves to be scammed.

Get me outta here!

I've been looking for this haunting image for well over a year. I first saw it in a magazine in Australia last year and, let's face it, it's not one you are going to forget easily. It tells the tale of a rainbow trout fingerling peering out from the mouth of a northern pike at the Alaska Department of Fish and Game aquarium in Anchorage. You can see more of the photographer's work here.

Shopping centre or art gallery?

"When it comes to architecture, artists are the most conservative clients you can have, because they make decisions according to places they like to work in - an old warehouse, or something that has historical value. But that does not have the same function as a gallery."

Quite a damning statement and all the more so when you know that it is an architect talking about the most visited modern art museum in the world - The Tate Modern in London. Will Alsop has been commissioned to design Liverpool's Fourth Grace (a major redesign of the city's waterfront) and he has other things to say about the Tate ('visiting it is like going round a shopping centre') and planners in general. Personally, I like the Tate Modern, but then I'm not an artist or an architect.

The bombing of a miserable failure

Google bombing is a practice whereby people who run websites manipulate the search engine by linking a particular phrase on their site to another site on the Net. The latest victim is none other than the President of the United States of America. Type in the words 'miserable failure' in Google (or just click here), and the top link you'll be offered is a biography of Dubya on the White House website. Naughty, but depending on your viewpoint, possibly entirely appropriate.

Closer and closer

I'm not sure if I'm writing this in apoplectic shock or apoplectic ecstasy, but I'm just witnessing the Internet take another leap forward in the corner of my iBook. It has arrived - live football on Internet TV. Admittedly it is only on a screen that is 5cm x 4cm, but unlike watching a sporting clip on the Beeb's website, the picture is remarkably clear. It is so good I'd be willing to pay for it, but for now I can watch Everton vs. Manchester City courtesy of a website in Croatia/Hrvatska! (You won't hear me asking questions about broadcasting rights.) The future gets ever closer.

Later: Make that apoplectic boredom. Everton look better through the dodgy BBC pictures. God that was bad ... but I'm not complaining, right now 0-0 feels like a victory.

Curry and Pizza

I've been involved in a couple of conversations recently about the origins of two foods which I've always taken for granted as Indian and Italian. I am, of course, talking about curry and pizza. Although I have yet to find a definitive source which tells me that the actual 'dish' is of English origin (and no one can seriously believe it is), there does seem to be literary evidence to suggest that the word 'curry' may well have been of English origin. Cooks and philosphers in Richard II's reign (1377-1399) produced a work with 196 recipes in 1390 called ‘The Forme of Cury’. That's more than 200 years before English merchants landed on Indian soil. I think it comes down to what you think curry is. However, whatever the origins, something not in doubt is that the British love their curry in its current form - that found in Indian restaurants all over the land. According to the site linked above and this article, curry was voted the British National dish in a major opinion poll in 1997.

As for pizza, a friend was trying to convince me it was of American origin. However, I've not found anything on the net to suggest he is correct and this site claims it is definitely of Italian origin. I'd be interested to hear of information to the contrary in both cases.

Biometrically opposed

George Orwell's 1984 was as prescient as it was inevitable. Technology is not so much a creeping vine as a dangling noose. Eventually it will snag us all. One piece of technology that should have us all rushing to the decompression chamber is biometrics - specifically 'high-tech security systems that rely on detailed measurements of the human body'. What the security fanatics would have us believe is that by getting a digital imprint of our fingerprint, eye or face we can categorically state that we are who we say we are, and thereby prevent criminals or terrorists finding their way across borders (whether that be a country or a workplace) where they are not welcome. Should the current trend of increasing use of this technology continue you can, of course, kiss privacy goodbye. As this very thorough Economist article states, "... in the long term, biometrics, by their very nature, will compromise privacy in a deep and thorough fashion. If and when face-recognition technology improves to the point where surreptitious cameras can routinely recognise individuals, privacy, as it has existed in the public sphere, will in effect be wiped out".

Thank you for checking-in Winston. Here's your key. You're in Room 101.

The return of the biped

I'm walking unaided again and it is a very weird feeling. I think I could get to like it though.

Terrorising the workers

Here's a story we can all sympathise with. The only real surprise is why it has taken this long to become an issue. Shop workers in Austria are demanding recompense for the mental damage they claim they suffer from listening to endless Christmas muzak. It is, they say, a form or "psychological terrorism" having to listen to repetitive festive tunes, and it's difficult not to agree. Extrapolate that thinking further and all muzak falls in the same category - irregardless of season. Why compensation though? Get rid of the damn stuff altogether.

Cold hearted Santa

It had to happen one day. Didn't it? Got asked to play Santa by a school where the Bloggs boys went once upon a lonely. Now, I know some of my readers have played Santa before (and you'll be hearing from me soon!), but I had to turn it down. I just couldn't see myself carrying it off and the kids deserved someone with greater thespian qualities. People! You know who you are. Get ready for the call.

Foot in Mouth

Donald Rumsfeld at a press briefing: 'Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns — the ones we don't know we don't know.'

Poor Rummy. Under pressure at home from his own administration, he is now the not-so-proud winner of the Foot in Mouth award presented by the Plain English Campaign group.

Later: It's always nice to beat the Beeb to a story like this, but of course they've got the advantage of giving you the above quote in audio!

Wild Sheep Dung?

A little belated, but sat down and discussed Murakami's Wild Sheep Chase and I battled gamely against two others who thought the paper the book was printed on would have served better as toilet tissue. Points made against it were its tendency to dwell tediously on details of the everyday happenings in the protagonist's life and the author's, shall we say, quirky use of language. Lack of a credible plot was also deemed a big fault. I would have been happy to concede, except I have read much worse that has flowed from pens of Booker Prize winners, and the fact that I still hold that the writing was both deliberate and was (probably still is) an accurate reflection of the rootlessness of the generation he is talking about. As one of the readers said, more of a 'Wild Goose Chase'. If that isn't an accurate description of the lives of the bubble and post-bubble generation of Japan, I don't know what is.